In Memory Of Bryan My Brother. October 4, 1979 to March 31, 2004

Today makes it four years since you left this world. It has not been easy. I have missed you everyday. You were taken from us far too soon when things were just falling into place in your life. You had a Fiancé you loved more then ever. You were about to be promoted at your job. You were going back to get your GED. You were truly happy with life.

I still question God as to why he took you that early morning in March 4 years ago. I know I will never get an answer as to why. I can only think that you were better off as an Angel to watch over us then to grace us with your presence.

I think back to that day I found out. Justin had just left to go back to work after his lunch break. A knock came at the door I went to the door saying what you need to get to work. I opened the door and he was not standing there. It was a police officer. He asked for me. I asked him what he wanted. It was April Fools day so you never know. Someone could have been playing a trick on me. He said your brother has died in a car accident. I looked at him and asked which one I have three. He said Bryan. I asked him if this was a joke. He said Sorry, but this is not a joke. He told me that Debbie wanted me to call her as soon as I could. So I got dressed and walked up to the Gas Station by my apartment. I called her. It wasn’t until I called Justin did I break down. It had hit me as I was calling him. I was about to tell him you were gone and that he would never get the chance to meet you. I am sure you two would have gotten along. You both like the same things. He asked where I was and told me to stay there. I melted into his arms when he got to me. I did not stop crying until we got back to the apartment to pack and head to Debbie’s.

Kristin drove us up to Mom’s house for the funeral. We got lost. *Laughs to myself* We called them to come find us and when they did. We all broke down. Dad and I hug for a very long time. They meet Justin. He kind of looks like you. So, I was not sure how they were going to take that. We followed them back to the house where they showed me pictures and the articles of your accident and the Obituaries. That night when everyone went to bed Justin and I stay up for a little bit. I was looking at your picture and went into some kind of trace. You were moving your lips saying I love you and shaking your head No. I was not sure what you meant by that. Justin said he was shaking me and trying to talk to me but I was not responding. After I came too he asked me if everything was ok and I told him what happened. We went to bed. The day of your funeral was a hard day. When I saw that dad had put on his hazard light on the top of his work truck in honor of you I cried. It was hard when I saw you in your casket you looked so peaceful. You hadn’t changed at all. I said my goodbyes and when the service stared I was gone. I was crying and just really upset. I saw that you put out the candle to the right of your casket. Mom got up and read something she wrote and the song by Vince Gil was played. Everyone cried. We all missed you so much. We still do. On the way back to the house the limo driver almost got into an accident with all us kids in the back. Crazy driver.

I just hope you knew that I loved you so much. We may have not got along all that well when you were a live, but I loved you and looked up to you. You were and always will be my older brother.

I will always think of you when I smell Black and Mild Cigars; See a Ford Mustang or a 1994 Mitsubishi Eclipse and Dragons. The things you loved. They all remind me of you as well as Mountain Dew.

I had planned on getting your in Memory tattoo today, but I can not. I am still not sure what I want. I know where I want it. =) I will most likely have a friend draw the tattoo. Not sure who. I had asked a co-worker, but he did not come through. I know I want butterflies in it, because you have sent me like two or three so maybe I will get that many in my tattoo.

I will NEVER forget you. I love you so much.

The One You Love

By: Me

The one you love may die

They may live a longer life than you

May lead down a different path

But you have to remember

That you will always have them

In you heart and by your side

Just keep them close

And remember all the good times

And even some of the bad

But most of all, remember how much

You loved each other

They will remember you

And stay close to you

TO help you through life’s journeys

They will be waiting for you

In Heaven

Update

WHOA!


It's been forever since the last time I posted.

Well the end of last year was I think the worst it has ever been. I injured my back and also sprung my ankle. Right after a good little Thanksgiving get away to my Moms. Joy!


How I hurt it was I was getting out of bed and I heard a pop. I thought well that is not good. So I waited a couple of days then went to the ER. Which the day before I went I twisted my ankle. I had the worst experience with a hospital I have ever had. The damn Doctor was watching football when I was trying to explain what happened. He seem very uninterested in what I or Justin had to say. So he had them do X-Rays on my back and my ankle. He was going to do anything about my back, but I demanded that he take X-Rays just to be safe. So the Nurse takes me to X-Rays. I get there and the Tech leaves the damn door open while he gets me on the table and only closes it a little when he starts. At this point I was livid. So I am on my side and a freaking guy walks through saying laughing mind you " You busy?" No you damn idiot I am not laying here. So they finish he takes me back. There is a male nurse watching football waiting for me to return to splint my ankle. He does that and turns off the TV and walks out the room. The nurse comes back gives me pills and tells me to get dressed. As Justin helps me to get dressed, he fills me in on what the doctor has to say. Yes, I did not see him after the first time. He told everything to Justin. So now Justin and I were livid say we are NEVER COMING HERE AGAIN! So I go home and more shit hits the fan not but two weeks later. My job calls me telling me they can no longer hold me job for me. So they are telling me I have to resign. At first I was like no freaking way am I going to resign that is not far. They pulled the well we can because you have not been employed here for a year, even though technically I have! They just don't count the first three months I was there. So,I took a week to think about it before I turned in the letter.


Thank God that I have Aflac. It is helping so far. I haven't gotten the big disability check yet because my ex-employers are being a**es about dates. There saying my termination date was 2 days before I hurt my back. Well I have been in close contact with my Aflac agent, so he knows all that has happened. So that make it three weeks after it happened that I resigned. So I am waiting for that paperwork to get straighten out.


So, I am out of a job and have a herniated disc in my back.


My Step-Moms calls and asks if I would like to watch her house for her while she and my Step- Brother are in New York for Christmas. I said what the heck I need the money. So Justin and I went over there the Saturday before Christmas. Because he had to work Christmas Eve I was alone for Christmas, we did not have the money for to keep coming across the state. Same deal for New Years. I was a little depressed. My Step-Mom and brother got home New Years Eve so I wasn't alone for that. =D I used her pool while I was over there to help with my back. It has help I am feel a little better.


Justin and I decided that it is time to move out of this Crap Hole of an apartment we are in and move four hours north to Palm Coast where my Mother and my Family lives. So the end of February is when we have to be out by. So that is what is on are plates now. FUN! I hate moving, but this is going to be a good one. I hate it down here and I am missing watching my Niece Bella grow up. She will be a Year on February 3. I can't believe it has already been a year. She has been through a lot in a year. She had eye surgery to correct premature eye muscles in her left eye. Now that all that is taken care of things like crawling, walking and talking have improved. She has seven teeth and boy does she have an attitude like her Mommy I hear. LOL She is so beautiful! I love her to death!


Well I think that is a good enough update on my end. Love and Hugs to you all!