In Memory Of Bryan My Brother. October 4, 1979 to March 31, 2004

Today makes it four years since you left this world. It has not been easy. I have missed you everyday. You were taken from us far too soon when things were just falling into place in your life. You had a Fiancé you loved more then ever. You were about to be promoted at your job. You were going back to get your GED. You were truly happy with life.

I still question God as to why he took you that early morning in March 4 years ago. I know I will never get an answer as to why. I can only think that you were better off as an Angel to watch over us then to grace us with your presence.

I think back to that day I found out. Justin had just left to go back to work after his lunch break. A knock came at the door I went to the door saying what you need to get to work. I opened the door and he was not standing there. It was a police officer. He asked for me. I asked him what he wanted. It was April Fools day so you never know. Someone could have been playing a trick on me. He said your brother has died in a car accident. I looked at him and asked which one I have three. He said Bryan. I asked him if this was a joke. He said Sorry, but this is not a joke. He told me that Debbie wanted me to call her as soon as I could. So I got dressed and walked up to the Gas Station by my apartment. I called her. It wasn’t until I called Justin did I break down. It had hit me as I was calling him. I was about to tell him you were gone and that he would never get the chance to meet you. I am sure you two would have gotten along. You both like the same things. He asked where I was and told me to stay there. I melted into his arms when he got to me. I did not stop crying until we got back to the apartment to pack and head to Debbie’s.

Kristin drove us up to Mom’s house for the funeral. We got lost. *Laughs to myself* We called them to come find us and when they did. We all broke down. Dad and I hug for a very long time. They meet Justin. He kind of looks like you. So, I was not sure how they were going to take that. We followed them back to the house where they showed me pictures and the articles of your accident and the Obituaries. That night when everyone went to bed Justin and I stay up for a little bit. I was looking at your picture and went into some kind of trace. You were moving your lips saying I love you and shaking your head No. I was not sure what you meant by that. Justin said he was shaking me and trying to talk to me but I was not responding. After I came too he asked me if everything was ok and I told him what happened. We went to bed. The day of your funeral was a hard day. When I saw that dad had put on his hazard light on the top of his work truck in honor of you I cried. It was hard when I saw you in your casket you looked so peaceful. You hadn’t changed at all. I said my goodbyes and when the service stared I was gone. I was crying and just really upset. I saw that you put out the candle to the right of your casket. Mom got up and read something she wrote and the song by Vince Gil was played. Everyone cried. We all missed you so much. We still do. On the way back to the house the limo driver almost got into an accident with all us kids in the back. Crazy driver.

I just hope you knew that I loved you so much. We may have not got along all that well when you were a live, but I loved you and looked up to you. You were and always will be my older brother.

I will always think of you when I smell Black and Mild Cigars; See a Ford Mustang or a 1994 Mitsubishi Eclipse and Dragons. The things you loved. They all remind me of you as well as Mountain Dew.

I had planned on getting your in Memory tattoo today, but I can not. I am still not sure what I want. I know where I want it. =) I will most likely have a friend draw the tattoo. Not sure who. I had asked a co-worker, but he did not come through. I know I want butterflies in it, because you have sent me like two or three so maybe I will get that many in my tattoo.

I will NEVER forget you. I love you so much.

The One You Love

By: Me

The one you love may die

They may live a longer life than you

May lead down a different path

But you have to remember

That you will always have them

In you heart and by your side

Just keep them close

And remember all the good times

And even some of the bad

But most of all, remember how much

You loved each other

They will remember you

And stay close to you

TO help you through life’s journeys

They will be waiting for you

In Heaven

Update

WHOA!


It's been forever since the last time I posted.

Well the end of last year was I think the worst it has ever been. I injured my back and also sprung my ankle. Right after a good little Thanksgiving get away to my Moms. Joy!


How I hurt it was I was getting out of bed and I heard a pop. I thought well that is not good. So I waited a couple of days then went to the ER. Which the day before I went I twisted my ankle. I had the worst experience with a hospital I have ever had. The damn Doctor was watching football when I was trying to explain what happened. He seem very uninterested in what I or Justin had to say. So he had them do X-Rays on my back and my ankle. He was going to do anything about my back, but I demanded that he take X-Rays just to be safe. So the Nurse takes me to X-Rays. I get there and the Tech leaves the damn door open while he gets me on the table and only closes it a little when he starts. At this point I was livid. So I am on my side and a freaking guy walks through saying laughing mind you " You busy?" No you damn idiot I am not laying here. So they finish he takes me back. There is a male nurse watching football waiting for me to return to splint my ankle. He does that and turns off the TV and walks out the room. The nurse comes back gives me pills and tells me to get dressed. As Justin helps me to get dressed, he fills me in on what the doctor has to say. Yes, I did not see him after the first time. He told everything to Justin. So now Justin and I were livid say we are NEVER COMING HERE AGAIN! So I go home and more shit hits the fan not but two weeks later. My job calls me telling me they can no longer hold me job for me. So they are telling me I have to resign. At first I was like no freaking way am I going to resign that is not far. They pulled the well we can because you have not been employed here for a year, even though technically I have! They just don't count the first three months I was there. So,I took a week to think about it before I turned in the letter.


Thank God that I have Aflac. It is helping so far. I haven't gotten the big disability check yet because my ex-employers are being a**es about dates. There saying my termination date was 2 days before I hurt my back. Well I have been in close contact with my Aflac agent, so he knows all that has happened. So that make it three weeks after it happened that I resigned. So I am waiting for that paperwork to get straighten out.


So, I am out of a job and have a herniated disc in my back.


My Step-Moms calls and asks if I would like to watch her house for her while she and my Step- Brother are in New York for Christmas. I said what the heck I need the money. So Justin and I went over there the Saturday before Christmas. Because he had to work Christmas Eve I was alone for Christmas, we did not have the money for to keep coming across the state. Same deal for New Years. I was a little depressed. My Step-Mom and brother got home New Years Eve so I wasn't alone for that. =D I used her pool while I was over there to help with my back. It has help I am feel a little better.


Justin and I decided that it is time to move out of this Crap Hole of an apartment we are in and move four hours north to Palm Coast where my Mother and my Family lives. So the end of February is when we have to be out by. So that is what is on are plates now. FUN! I hate moving, but this is going to be a good one. I hate it down here and I am missing watching my Niece Bella grow up. She will be a Year on February 3. I can't believe it has already been a year. She has been through a lot in a year. She had eye surgery to correct premature eye muscles in her left eye. Now that all that is taken care of things like crawling, walking and talking have improved. She has seven teeth and boy does she have an attitude like her Mommy I hear. LOL She is so beautiful! I love her to death!


Well I think that is a good enough update on my end. Love and Hugs to you all!

Need to RANT!

Ok let's see where to begin...


First I should tell you what I do. I work in a call center I use to be a Call Center Agent(Customer Service Rep) taking catalog order for a company called Boden. Good company, good quality products and very nice people in general. I have recently in the past 2 or 3 months been moved over to doing returns for the company. I like doing can get aggravating, but I like doing it. Well I just had a sit down with Monster B( I will call my boss this.) and My Supervisor( Love this women, she is really nice and helpful) Monster B told me that she didn't think I was doing a good job and that she is going to give me a week and we will see what happens. Ok, I can deal with that. Well I already know that I can not increase my work load by double in a week. I will be moving on to Admin work as they call it. Which includes calling people about there credit cards declining and not be able to be charged at all and they have the clothing. Which I will not mind doing, Monster B thinks I will be good at it, she tells me I have a great voice for this, kind and caring she tells me. LOL
So, for the past month I have done nothing good enough for her. One thing she didn't put on her sheet was the time I did over 300 slips(we have to do 420 slips a day, Mind you this is my first data entry job. I think I am doing damn good!) I over look that because if you correct this women oh man. She won't have it. I remember going up to her the day I did over 300 skips and saying," I did really good today, I did over 300 slips" she says,"Still isn't 420". I was thinking "Damn, I am new at this, That's not doing good?! A little credit here would be nice!" I just can't stand her period.

Onto what happened yesterday and then what happened today.

OK, So yesterday the other new girl (which I am compared to, even though Monster B says she does not. I have heard other wise.) and I get into work she got there 2 hrs before me. she had made a good size dent in our work already. I was like good job! We went on about are business talking and doing are work. Then 2 hrs later the King of the Returns comes in(Our nickname for this guy, because of Monster B) He looks at C's (this is what I will call her) paper and says,"Damn what time did you get in?" She goes," 9 this morning". He seeing that she might just out do him today takes it upon himself to start taking more then one container at a time(Which is not aloud because of him!) Well C and I were not going to let that happen we both tell him to put them back and take one. Well he didn't at first until she got up to go tell someone. He put it back. Well C told the wrong person, she told the client, which was in from London on a check up visit. When Monster B got in M( My old Supervisor) told her about it, Not knowing that Monster B would get mad. Oh boy, now Monster B,C and M went IN THE ROOM( The room where we here bad news). She basically told her that The King of Returns can do whatever he wants because no matter what he does 8 or 30 containers he rocks. Even though if there are calls in que and we have to answer them, which means we can't be doing are work. He is the best in our department. So, we both were a little pissed off, L(my Supervisor) and D (Other girl in the department) were not in to tell him like it is. So C ended up doing close to 700 slips yesterday and left at 9:30 last night, I did 304 slips on top of other things I had to do ( counting the new work that came in which took me 3 hrs. We got over 2,500 slips of work in yesterday!) plus stayed tell 11pm.

Now today. The Clients leave to go back to London. They are saying there good bye's and see you all in a few weeks.(They come like once a month!) As they are going along both of them stop at The Kings cubical and Monster B Brags about what he did the night before he did this amount of slips and he stay to help on the phone (WHOA he took 4 freakin calls! ) Then as a group the rest of us got thanked for a good job. What Monster B doesn't do is come and Brag on what C did. She did a damn good job for being NEW to the company! Nope The King hold the returns department together not the rest of us. We have a low error rate all the rest of us. We find his mistakes ALL THE TIME!!!! He so is not the king! Jerk! I just want to punch him and Monster B. Not fare to not show the New shinning star in the department. I hate bosses that Favor another person over everyone else. Not Fare!

Then I am not feeling good I have been up 3 times today to use the restroom. So I was handing her my paper and telling her I had to leave, she is like Why?! I said I don't feel good and I have been up and down using the restroom all day. That made me mad. I don't feel good and I don't want to be here. I am running a fever too. Not sure what is wrong. Everyone there is sick so...BLAH!

OK done ranting now!
LOL

I had to get that off my chest.

* Sorry if there are grammar or spelling errors not to good at those kind of things.*

Much love and Cyber Hugs.

Queen E

You make me smile award.......

You make me smile award.......
"Jeane Michelle Culp of ndpthepoetress Gave this award to My Mom Sugar Queen's Dream and in return she gave it to me. Thank You Momma! I am honored!

The Queen of E- she can make the saddest person happy just being her!"

This Blog is for My Mama!

(~~Sugar Queen's Dream is a Schmooze of a blog~~
Sugar Queen's Dream
The Award was originally created by Mike of Ordinary Folk and Danielle of Pink Reviews .
The Award was given to me by Tish at The Kat House.

3.The Queen of E I am choosing the Queen of E, NOT because She is my Daughter. But because once you get to know her, you will find she is heaven sent. She is the biggest Schmooze around!! She is kind and thoughtful. She is loving and brings Joy. She went from being the middle child to being the oldest and has handled it very well. I love this Sweetie pie with all my heart and why not, there's lots to love about Erin.....)

This has taken me a while to post. My Mom gave this to me like months ago! LOL I am a slow blogger. Sorry Guys. I know I have a very small reading circle. For now I do believe.

Thank You MOM!!!
I love you so much. You don't know how much. There are not enough words in this world to tell you how much I love you!

You mean the world to me. We may not be as close as we use to be, but we will be soon enough. When I move up there we will have plenty of time to bond again.

You are my shinning light. I look up to you on how you have lived your life and how you live it now. You are the wind beneath my wings!,My role model and my Mother. I am so proud of you! You are a very talented women. I wise to be half of the person you are today when I am older.

Thank you for the life you gave me Mama. I love you!
XOXO

Christmas Meme

Santa has created the Best Meme Ever!

Santa Claus has created the best meme ever because it's all about Christmas.


What is your favorite Christmas gift?

I have gotten some wonderful gifts, but my favorite one would have to be the last gift I got from My Brother Bryan. He gave me a Christmas Bear. You know the ones that have the year on the foot. I will cherish that bear for the rest of my life!



What is your best memory of Christmas?

One year Jessie and I had gone to bed early and we were sitting up talking when we heard something. We both looked at each other and we didn't have to say anything. We both knew what the other was thinking. We laid down and closed our eyes. We waited for a little bit and then, got up and went out into the living room. Our mouths dropped when we saw the tree and what was under it, Lots and Lots of presents and Dad was sleeping on the couch. LOL I am sure he was out there to make sure we didn't get up in the middle of the night for a peek. We hurried back to our bedroom and went to sleep.



Depending on where you live do you have a hot or cold Christmas?

All I have to say is I live in Florida. Rarely do we have a cold Christmas.



Would you prefer to try the opposite weather at least just once?

Yes!!!! I would love to have a white Christmas! I am sure one day I will.




What do you prefer in a tree? Fake or real?

REAL TREE all the way!



What is your favorite Carol?

Hmmm..Lets see. I think I would have to pick Silent Night.



What is your favorite Christmas Dinner?

Ham, Stuffing, Green Bean Casserole, Mashed Potatoes. Crescent Rolls *One of My Mommy's Dinners would be my favorite dinner!*




Do you wear a Santa Hat at Christmas?

I have before. I haven't in years I always plan to, but don't get around to buying one. I WILL THIS YEAR!



Have you ever seen me delivering your gifts?

No, I have not, but I do believe in you! =D

Juat wanted....

To let everyone that does read my blog, I will post a new blog soon.